Not in Our Stars

Road Trip 2011

2011-11-07T17:07:00.002-05:00

I'm on an epic road trip from LA to NYC and back. One lap of the country. To stay updated, visit http://ricksroadtrip.tumblr.com

Thanks for the Future, Steve

2011-10-06T01:13:00.005-04:00

The death of a person has never before compelled me to write about it, not even when it was someone I knew. But hearing the news of the death of Steve Jobs hit me much harder than I was expecting. Usually when someone I respect or admire dies, I'm bummed about it for a little while, and then I move on. How much I respected the person directly related to how long I stayed bummed. But never was I moved to tears. Until I heard about Steve Jobs.

The first Apple product I owned was an iPod. It wasn't the first portable MP3 player I'd owned, but it was easily the best. It was so far beyond anything else I'd used before. It seemed designed for me. And not just for me, for everyone. Having been raised on DOS- and Windows-based PCs at home my entire childhood, it was strange. I was unaccustomed to using a gadget that was more concerned with what I could get out of it rather than doing its own thing and not caring whether I understood it. I got my first Mac computer in 2004, a PowerBook G4. It was my second laptop (the first was a Dell). And I could feel that same user-focused design philosophy there too.

Windows is designed to work a certain way. If you were a nerd, understood computers, or were a software engineer, then you knew how to get Windows to do what you wanted. Mac OS X was more about helping me get stuff done the way I wanted. I think Apple was the first maker of tech and gadgets to design their products based on consumer needs, not the thought processes of engineers, at least in my experience.

I'd used Apple computers a lot before 2004. They were the computer of choice for all most all my grade, middle, and high school education. I learned how to type on a Mac. I learned Photoshop, Dreamweaver, and Flash on a Mac. I learned to edit on Final Cut Pro. I made interactive projects with HyperCard. I learned the virtues of careful planning in The Oregon Trail. Much of who I am, how I think, and what I can do came from experiences I had on a Mac. My first experience with a smartphone was the original iPhone. Before that, I'd only ever used a dumb phone.

Since then, I've had two more Mac laptops, a Mac mini, several more iPods, and a bunch of other things. In fact, I think I'm right in saying that the only other technology company whose products I've purchased with as much enthusiasm is Sony. I've tried to convince myself (and others) that I'm not an Apple fanboy or part of that cult, but it simply isn't true. I've converted my entire immediate family to Mac users, and once the iPhone 4S launches, we'll all be using iPhones as well. Most of us also have iPads (which, by the way, is the computing device I've desperately wanted ever since I saw Star Trek: The Next Generation as a kid). Whether I like it or not, Steve Jobs and Apple have become inextricably linked to my life.

I wholeheartedly believe that 100 years from now, Steve Jobs will be remembered by historians as one of the most important and influential people ever to have lived. He forever changed the face of computing (hell, he was one of the founders of personal computing). Home computers used to be big, obtrusive monoliths in drab greys and beiges with wires creating a mess out the back. Then the iMac happened. At first, I was very against it. I was a pretty hardcore PC user at the time, and the lack of expandability made me cringe. What I didn't understand at the time was that Apple was creating a whole new market of computer users. Apple wanted (and still wants) everyone to not just have to use a computer, but want to. They wanted a product you didn't have to hide away under a desk. They gave us the first computer you could actually put on display.

Design and usability are the key tenets in Apple's success, and the whole computer industry has been trying to copy their products. And that's smart, because Steve Jobs and Apple have shown an uncanny ability to create new products that we never knew we needed. Apple hasn't just been ahead of the curve. They're designing the future.

Portable music players that played MP3 files were nothing new when the iPod came out, but never had one been so usable. PMPs were a niche product until Apple came on the scene. Same goes for laptops. Previously, the laptop was the purview of the traveling businessman. Then there was the PowerBook, and then the MacBook. Smartphones, similarly, were also just for businessmen, and RIM ruled the world with the Blackberry. Then there was the iPhone. Now everyone has a smartphone, and RIM is on the way out. The newest is the iPad. Not the first tablet, but the first one to work properly. Now all tablets work better than any pre-iPad model, mostly because their operating systems take cues from Apple's. Without Apple's contributions to these areas, they would still be languishing.

Also, have you noticed how everyone tries to make computers that are aesthetically appealing now?

But I've only scratched the surface here. Sure, the iPod has made listening to music on the go more convenient, but what else has it done? When paired with iTunes (the largest retailer of music of any kind, digital or physical), it has completely changed the music business. Napster came along and was a bit of a wake-up call for the music industry. The old model was shown not to work anymore, but the music industry fought it. The iPod and iTunes have come along, and they are now forcing the music industry to change with the times, or face collapse. Content distribution has changed for movies and TV shows as well. And then there's the whole mobile app phenomenon.

Steve Jobs has managed to take the science fiction world of the future from books, movies, and TV, and made it reality now. In fact it's better. My iPad is way, way more impressive than any of the tech on Star Trek (and that stuff's from the 24th century). Jobs has made this science fiction future a self-fulfilling prophecy. He has forever altered the way we connect and communicate, the way we make content, the way we work, and it's a philosophy he's built into what is now the wealthiest company in America (surpassing even oil companies).

Jobs's final contribution to changing the way we compute is still to come: iCloud. Again, cloud computing already exists, and works fairly well, but I have a feeling it's not going to come into its own until iCloud launches. The features it gives every Mac OS and iOS user (for free) are going to become so essential that not having them will soon become unacceptable.

Not so long ago, a computer would only work if it could fill entire rooms. Now we have computers many, many times more powerful, and they fit into our pockets. And we can't live without them. Steve Jobs has changed human society, and continues to change it even after his death. Right now is an incredible time to be alive. Civilization has not seen such a leap forward in technology since the industrial revolution. This expansion of technology that's been happening for the last couple decades (and that'll continue for god-knows-how-long) will be remembered as a pivotal time in human history, and few have had as big a hand in shaping it as Steve Jobs.

So when the future gets here, remember who to thank.

Have a nice day

2009-06-22T16:46:00.000-04:00

Whenever I go to a store, or coffee shop, or restaurant I am always pleased when the employee of whatever establishment I am visiting closes the business transaction with "Have a nice day," or something similar. I find it refreshing when the niceties are observed. (The size of the tips I give waiters is directly proportionate to their niceness.) Whether they tell me to have a nice day, or to enjoy my day, or whatever, I always respond with something like, "Thanks, you too." But I've realized this is just a knee-jerk reaction. Granted it's a cordial reaction, but nevertheless it's mostly automatic.

The problem I see with this response is that I'm talking to a person at work. When I'm effectively telling someone who is on the clock, "Yes, you have a pleasant day as well," I don't consciously think about it, but I know that it is improbable they will actually have a pleasant day. This makes me feel a little guilty. I genuinely want nice people who wish me well to also be well, but telling them so while they're at work seems, at best, insincere. Possibly patronizing. At worst, I sound vindictive: "Yeah, you also have a nice day at this shit job with horrible customers who make you miserable, day in, day out."

Maybe I'm being a bit too hard on myself. I try to believe that my sincerity comes across, but it's difficult to accept good wishes from a customer when other customers have been making your life hell. If it were me, I probably wouldn't give a damn what someone's intentions were when they told me to also have a nice day. Whatever sort of day I'd been having would color my interpretation of the niceties.

But now, in thinking about this, I realize that I probably needn't worry so much. Chances are, a store clerk or coffee shop barista's initial "Have a nice day" has just as much chance of being genuine as not. So if "have a nice day" is only a feigned nicety, then what's the harm in feigning niceness back?

-- Post From My iPhone

The subway makes you tune out

2009-06-15T15:47:00.000-04:00

I always knew this was true, but I never realized just how true until today. I was standing by the door of the car, about to disembark. I was facing away from the door, looking directly at a co-worker. She was facing me, but not looking at me. We were 2-3 feet apart with no one between us. I decided, for the sake of social experiment, to wait and see how long it took her to notice I was there. It was a good ten seconds before the train stopped and we all got out. She even passed me on the escalator, oblivious to my presence. This makes me wonder how many times I've been the oblivious one. Probably often, as today was a rare occasion in that I was not wearing headphones on the subway.

-- Post From My iPhone

Google Wave (addendum)

2009-06-14T02:25:00.001-04:00

The final line of the haiku should've been:

Wave of the future.

-- Post From My iPhone

Google Wave

2009-06-13T03:08:00.001-04:00

Google recently demoed to developers an early version of a new project by the guys that made Google Maps. It's called Wave, and it will completely revolutionize how the world communicates.

The short version is this: the platform allows for complex text, data, and multimedia sharing in the context of collaborative conversation. The subject can be as simple as where to go out to dinner with a bunch of friends or as complex as the ENTIRE workflow structure of a corporation. On a personal level, it will be an invaluable tool for collaborative writing, regardless of where the writers are on the planet.

And it's the "on the planet" part that really excites me. Part of the demo contained an already-functioning robot that translates more than 40 languages ON THE FLY, as you type. With Google Wave the internet becomes what it was always supposed to be: a way for everyone on the planet to communicate with anyone else on the planet, in real time, in their native language.

Also great: it's open source, and it runs in a web browser.

The demo can be found at http://wave.google.com.

When you sign up to be notified of the availability of Google Wave, you are asked to write something to the dev team. They suggested a haiku. I wrote them this:

Talk to anyone.
Language is not a problem.
Wave is the future.

-- Post From My iPhone

You should watch this: The Newsroom

2009-06-10T13:30:00.004-04:00

I discovered Ken Finkleman's The Newsroom entirely by accident. I was walking around the now-closed Virgin Megastore in Chicago sometime in college, and in the TV-on-DVD section, I came across the DVD for the first season of the show. I looked at the cover and thought, Looks like somebody's trying to be Aaron Sorkin. I think that may just have been because I was in the midst of the beginning of my Sorkin obsession, and anything that dealt with the behind-the-scenes goings-on of a TV show had to be a Sports Night rip-off. Much to my surprise, the first season of The Newsroom predated Sports Night by about two years.

My interet in the TV news business got the best of me, and I bought the thing. Now I am incredibly glad I did. The Newsroom is a Canadian show about George Findlay, a news director for a major Tornoto TV news outlet. He is the pettiest, most narcissistic man ever to walk the Earth, and he is absolutely hilarious. Findlay is portrayed by writer/director/creator Ken Finkleman, and he plays the role with such an uncomfortable deadpan style that you just can't help but watch. It's not like just watching a car crash (the way Ricky Gervais's The Office played it five-or-so years later), it's like watching a car crash and actually wanting it to get worse and worse and worse.

All three seasons of the series, plus the made-for-TV movie are available on DVD from Amazon.com. If you're a fan of dark comedy, you owe it to yourself to check it out.

New blogging iPhone app

2009-06-10T04:15:00.000-04:00

I tried using LifeCast before, but it was having problems on my EDGE-connected first-gen iPhone. If BlogPress turns out to be decent I may post more. I'll have to kick my Twitter addiction first. Or maybe BlogPress will help.

There. That was more than 140 characters. BlogPress is helping already.

Seriously this the first thing I've posted online in months that is longer than 140 characters.

-- Post From My iPhone

#1: Final Fantasy series

2009-05-12T16:14:00.004-04:00

I know, I know, it's cool to hate on Final Fantasy VII, and fanboys whine about how it was the first game of its kind they played, and blah blah blah. Well, that's really true for me. I had never played many RPGs before I owned a PlayStation, save for the original Legend of Zelda. Final Fantasy VII was not only the first real RPG I'd ever played, but it was the biggest, most cinematic experience I'd ever had playing a game. Prior to this, video games were a hobby, a diversion at best. After this game, video games became a legitimate art form for me.

After FFVII, I played the other games in the series, and while the Final Fantasy games might not be prone to innovation (just like the rest of the Japanese video game industry nowadays), they are still in a class by themselves. The name Final Fantasy, followed by a Roman numeral, generally guarantees a worthwhile experience.

That's it for my top 25 games of all time (finally). In the future, I probably won't attempt another list like this, but I will instead make this blog a place to post my recommendations for books, movies, TV, and music that you may not have tried (or even heard of) but you should.

Watchmen

2009-03-15T22:44:00.002-04:00

Watchmen is kind of a strange book for me. It was one of the first things I was told to read when I got heavily back into comics in high school. It certainly wowed me, but it didn't change my life. It took a couple more readings to recognize its brilliance, but even then reading it wasn't an earth-shattering experience. I mention this because so much of what I've read about what other people think about Watchmen The Movie is based on how personally affected they were by the original work. So I begin this review by letting you know that while I love Watchmen The Graphic Novel, I am by no means a purist or fanboy.

That said, I was very worried early on that Zack Snyder was not the right guy to make the film version. His Dawn of the Dead remake and 300 a certainly entertaining films, but they are essentially very stupid. And there's nothing wrong with that; they didn't need to be anything more. But Watchmen is different. It is an incredibly complex piece of work written by arguably the most intelligent person ever to write in the funnybook medium, Alan Moore. Then whenever I heard or read him talking about the movie he never seemed to say anything of substance about it, other than the fact that much of the fan-favorite content (i.e. Bubastis, Rorschach's narration, Dr. Manhattan's penis, etc.) would be included in the film. But my friends who saw all the cool stuff at last year's San Diego Comic-Con said I should get excited, so I tried to. Maybe Zack Snyder just isn't good at talking about his work. Maybe he just doesn't want to ruin the experience. Maybe he really is the right man to turn Watchmen into a film.

Sadly, watching the finished product confirmed my initial suspicions: it should've been someone else. Given the complexity of the material, it is amazing that the screenwriters were able to condense the narrative into less than three hours of running time. And they did it pretty well. They should be commended. My problems with the film are almost entirely Zack Snyder's fault.

First and foremost: the acting. The acting is, at times, painfully boring. There is so little life in any of the characters that it becomes jarring whenever they show outbursts of emotion (such as in the moment when Laurie discovers who her true father is). It's like watching a cast of robots who every so often burst forth fits of pain and rage but are incapable of replicating emotions between that and Dr. Manhattan-esque detachment.

Of course, this isn't the case for everyone. Jackie Earl Haley's Rorschach is fairly compelling, though there doesn't seem to be much method to his madness. The insanity feels deep-rooted, like it's been there for a long time, but without much purpose. The methodical, calculating Rorscach of the graphic novel is not in the film.

The finest bit of casting is Patrick Wilson as Nite Owl. He is pretty much perfect. But his believablity suffers from the general problem that affects the entire cast: they're all too damn young. Patrick Wilson is a young guy. Malin Akerman is a young woman. They don't feel like they've had enough history, so it is difficult to buy a cast of superhero has-beens made up of people no older than 40.

The worst of the cast is Matthew Goode as Adrian Veidt. Veidt is the strongest, most brilliant man alive. He aspires to kingship over all mankind. He is a charismatic genius who has trained himself to become leader of the world. At least, that's what he's supposed to be. I saw absolutely none of that in the film.

*** SPOILERS NEXT PARAGRAPH ***

(Highlight to view.)

The final thing I'll touch on is the film's controversial ending. Several key things were changed for the film, and most of them I don't mind. The replacement of the psychic octopus thing teleported into Madison Square Garden with energy explosions created by Dr. Manhattan's power is, I believe, a serviceable way of making the story more Hollywood- and movie-friendly. I don't really mind it. Dr. Manhattan leaves the galaxy anyway, and the whole point was to give humanity a single external enemy to fear. People already fear Manhattan, so it works just as well. I also don't mind making Nite Owl witness Rorschach's death a part of the story. In attempting to build that screen relationship, you need that end note (but I could've done without the buddy-buddy "It's all right, man" scene in Nite Owl's basement). My problem with the ending is the omission of the final conversation between Veidt and Dr. Manhattan. Veidt has just committed an act of unspeakable horror, and he claims to be punishing himself for it. He's already justified his actions through logic, arrogance, and whatever else he could. But he's still human, and he needs the approval of the one 'living' being he believes he is close to (measured by intelligence and morality). The graphic novel shows us, in the final moments we see him, a victorious, triumphant Adrian Veidt just a crack away from total remorse. In the movie, nothing. Adrian Veidt remains an unlikable, under-developed character.

*** END SPOILERS ***

Watchmen The Movie. Isn't perfect. It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, and there were moments I genuinely enjoyed. But overall, I just felt underwhelmed. It was a film that tried to be and do so much that it couldn't possibly be all it should've been. But I eagerly await Zack Snyder's director's cut Blu-ray disc to see what his true vision of the film was. Until then, a much more satisfying viewing experience is Watchmen Motion Comics.

#2: StarCraft

2009-02-07T19:23:00.003-05:00

Probably the world's only actually lethal video game, StarCraft is heralded as the defining classic of the RTS genre. One of the most important things a developer can pay attention to when creating a new RTS is balance. Without balance, an RTS simply does not work. StarCraft's balance is perfect, which is why, even 10 years later, people still play the hell out of it, both at home and in competition. In the 10 years of its existence, I have never owned a computer that didn't have StarCraft installed on it, Mac or PC.

Developer/publisher Blizzard Entertainment is known for making games that are addictive. They only have three distinct, active franchises (the others are Warcraft and Diablo), but they have managed to make unbelievable amounts of money per year regardless of whether a new game is released. They also operate the most popular MMORPG ever, World of Warcraft, which currently has between 10 and 11 million subscribers. Blizzard was recently involved in one of the biggest corporate mergers in video game history, when mega-publisher Activision acquired other mega-publishers Sierra and Vivendi. The new company is called Activision Blizzard. That basically makes Blizzard the most successful game developer in the world and only a few steps away from total world domination.

#3: id Software shooters, 1992-1999

2009-02-07T19:11:00.004-05:00

id Software essentially invented the first-person shooter genre, and for a long time there was nobody who could beat the quality of gameplay experience found in their titles. In recent years that's changed, with companies like Valve (Half-Life, Portal, TF) and Infinity Ward (Call of Duty) making strides in incorporating cinematic experiences into the FPS genre. But for a good while, id was king. Between 1992 and 1999 they released Wolfenstein 3D, Doom 1 & 2, and Quake 1-3.

Along with the strategy game and the point-and-click adventure, the FPS was formerly the exclusive domain of the PC (before Halo proved it could be done successfully on consoles). id games were the primary reason I didn't go fully console in my early gaming days. I love real-time strategy (RTS) games and point-and-click adventures, but I could play most of them heavily then take a good, long break and play other things for awhile. But id games delivered such an awesome player experience that I would stay glued to my mouse and keyboard (or, in the case of Wolfenstein and Doom, just my keyboard), forsaking my Nintendo consoles. Like Super Mario Bros. before it, the id shooters (especially Doom) invented a genre and formed the basis for our current understanding of how games should be designed.

#4: Super Mario Bros. series

2009-02-07T19:00:00.003-05:00

Super Mario Bros. for the NES was the first major console game I played. Like most people of my generation, that game introduced me to the whole platforming genre and established my basic understanding of the way video games are made and played. Not just the platforming genre that was spawned, but it seems that all major console genres owe something to the design of Super Mario Bros. Like any medium, a basic language for how ideas and experiences are communicated must be established, and this happens over time. For example, early movies were much like theater, in that there was one point-of-view (the audience's) and the actors played out their drama in full view. Over time, editing started being introduced, and different types of shots (close-ups, zooms, tracking shots, etc.). Super Mario Bros. established some of the basic principles of video games as a medium and built a foundation for everything that came after. The reason people who have been playing games for a long time can pick up almost any game controller and know how to play a brand-new title within seconds is because of that foundation.

Cinema Catch-up

2009-01-05T13:22:00.002-05:00

At the end of the year I inevitably run behind on movies, but this year the list is ridiculously long. In order of importance:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Slumdog Millionaire
The Wrestler
Frost/Nixon
Milk
Valkyrie
Gran Torino
Doubt
Rachel Getting Married
Australia

(This is just what's playing in theaters in the Chicago area. There are numerous other movies that are just past theatrical release or are only screening in New York or LA.)

Favorite Words, vol. 1

2009-01-04T23:30:00.003-05:00

I've begun compiling a list of my favorite words. It has mostly to do with how they sound. Some of them for how they look.

The Ringer: Fallout 3

2008-12-13T01:48:00.004-05:00

Fallout 3 was released after I started this Top 25 list, but I have to say the experience has been engrossing on a level I didn't think possible. Mass Effect exceeds Fallout 3 in terms of emotional investment, but I've never felt like I was living inside a game until I played "Oblivion with guns." In fact, now I get what Oblivion fanatics were talking about. Something about Fallout 3 just clicks with me in a way that Oblivion never quite did.

Unless something mind-blowingly awesome comes out of the blue within the next 2 weeks, Fallout 3 is my pick for the Best Game of 2008.

#5: Tetris

2008-12-13T01:34:00.003-05:00

Despite the fact I placed this game at #5 on my list, Tetris is the greatest game ever, ever made. The best video games are easy to understand and play, but difficult to master. When you pick up Tetris for the first time, you know how to play it in 10 seconds or less, and that gameplay mechanic you learn never changes. It just gets faster. Simple gameplay variation that quickly turns the easiest game ever into the hardest. It is beautiful in its simplicty, and no matter what platform the user chooses to utilize, it never changes.

With all the incredible innovations in gaming over the past three or four decades, from new genres, to novel control schemes, to open worlds, to player choice, to emotional involvement... I believe none of it would have happened the way we know it without Tetris.

#6: Team Fortress (Classic)

2008-12-13T01:12:00.003-05:00

Team Fortress was originally a mod for id Software's Quake, and I played it extensively on a LAN at a summer computer camp in Lake Forest, IL (yes, I am just that big a dork). It was basically my introduction to the concept of the multiplayer game. Before this, I played Doom exclusively in the single-player 'campaign,' and no consoles could go online. And the best part about it was all the players were right there in the same room with me. Granted, we were all staring at our own computers, but we could still trash talk.

After I left computer camp I never really got a chance to play it online again. I probably could have, but I didn't really know how to. Then Team Fortress Classic was released as a mod to a game I'd already been playing a lot of, Half-Life, and I got to fall in love with it all over again. What's great about TF is that the class-based play not only adds variety, but it encourages teamwork and strategy. A lot of games owe the designs of their multiplayer components to TF.

It should also be noted that I played a lot of Weapons Factory, a mod for Quake II that unofficially updates the series, in the interim but it had a different feel and style to it and that's actually a big part of the experience.

Vista sucks

2008-11-16T00:23:00.002-05:00

So I just finished building a new gaming PC (that will soon become a multimedia PC as well), and I decided to install Windows Vista Ultimate as its OS. I mean, I'd heard bad things about Vista, but I figured it was going to be the usual Windows crap. I'm used to Windows being shitty. I haven't liked a Microsoft OS since DOS. But now that I've installed it, I have to say that I was truly unprepared for the incredible level of suck that is Windows Vista. Not only did some of the more glaring problems from the last version of Windows NOT GET FIXED, but like every new iteration there are a whole bunch of NEW problems.

How is it that Microsoft can make such an awesome gaming console on only their second try but fail utterly in the creation of their OS SIX TIMES?

Microsoft has been copying Apple in a lot of ways recently. They should just go the extra mile and build their next OS on top of UNIX like OS X.

#7: Mass Effect

2008-11-02T10:32:00.003-05:00

I was something of a late-comer to the BioWare RPG scene. I've never played anything called Baldur's Gate or Neverwinter Nights. The first BioWare game I played (excluding the action-heavy MDK2) was Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, which in retrospect feels a lot like a test-run for Mass Effect, which I consider to be the single greatest achievement in interactive narrative storytelling.

Mass Effect is the perfect game for writers. While you can't really shape the plot events of the story, you can determine the way everything unfolds. This leads to a mind-boggling variety of possibilities, given that you can choose not only how big plot points play out, but the direction of conversations. It's also the first game I've played in a long time where I don't mind putting down the controller to watch the epic cutscenes. In fact, if there were a version of this game that was just dialogue trees and cutscenes, I'd probably like it more.

Rock Band wishlist, vol. 1

2008-11-02T10:24:00.005-05:00

Patti Smith Group - Ask the Angels
Rage Against the Machine - Calm Like a Bomb
Rage Against the Machine - Sleep Now in the Fire
INXS - Don't Change
The Donnas - Here for the Party
The Romantics - What I Like About You
The Hives - Tick Tick Boom
Blur - Girls & Boys
Tenacious D - Wonderboy
The Killers - Sam's Town
Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers - Last Dance with Mary Jane
The Ting Tings - Shut Up and Let Me Go
Paul McCartney & Wings - Band on the Run
Led Zeppelin - Good Times Bad Times
Radiohead - There There
Pink Floyd - Money
Pink Floyd - Another Brick in the Wall, Part 2
Pink Floyd - Run Like Hell

#8: Metal Gear Solid

2008-10-28T12:15:00.006-04:00

Metal Gear Solid is, I believe, the first game that I started playing, and when I'd finally stopped realized that over six hours had gone by, and I had not eaten or taken a bathroom break. I'd never played the previous two games in the series, so the idea of sneaking around and avoiding confrontation was completely foreign to me, but I immediately saw the genius in it. It was far more challenging to sneak past guards rather than to just take them all out.

This gameplay mechanic, combined with a surprisingly deep cinematic narrative, cements the original MGS as pretty much the best gaming experience I had on the original PlayStation.

Since MGS, the series has gotten bigger and bigger. I've played Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty through once (as opposed to the three times I played MGS1), and much of what made the first game great is there, but the follow-up lacks something that made the previous game great. I don't actually think it has as much to do with the switch in protagonist as most people claim. MGS2 is when the already over-the-top narrative just starts to get ridiculous. There were things in the first game that stretched the limits of what willing suspension of disbelief will allow for. MGS2 goes way beyond that and just takes you for a ride. The only thing you can do is hang on until the very end.

I have not played MGS3 or 4 yet, but I plan to in the very near future. Once I get a PS3, it's on. I've heard that MGS4 really wraps things up nicely, and I'd love to get back into this series.

#9: Anything made by Valve

2008-10-28T11:56:00.005-04:00

I, like many others, initially became aware of Valve Software after the release of Half-Life for the PC. What made Half-Life so special was the way it sucked you into its world and its narrative. It took the idea of player interaction in the first-person genre to a whole new level, with NPCs actually talking to you (or at you, depending on how you want to think about it). Now, ten years later, Valve is still the only developer that can convey story in this manner and engross you fully (with the possible exception of Infinity Ward). Half-Life got even better when the mod Team Fortress Classic was released.

Then there was the waiting, and waiting, and waiting, for Half-Life 2. Not content to rest on their laurels, Valve made one of my favorite first-person shooters of all time (an impressive feat considering all my other favorites are the ones I grew up with). The storytelling techniques they pioneered in Half-Life came back, but this time everything was made epic, thanks to an incredible new game engine and a facial animation system that still has no equal four years later. Also, Half-Life 2 introduced one of the best weapons in the history of video games: the gravity gun.

Last year Valve released the single best retail disc ever: The Orange Box. Containing Half-Life 2 and its expansions, the long-awaited sequel to Team Fortress, and the most ingenious game of the last decade, Portal, The Orange Box offers incredible length and variety (albeit entirely from the first-person perspective) that would have normally cost over $100 if you bought all the games separately.

Valve has got the first-person game nailed down. And since their mechanics are so solid they can feel free to experiment a little. (See the upcoming release, Left 4 Dead).

#10: Guitar Hero and Rock Band series

2008-10-28T11:49:00.003-04:00

Harmonix did not invent the music genre, but they did perfect it. They made it incredibly fun with their instrument-based Guitar Hero series. They also made it a group thing, something to be done with friends so that you could all look like idiots together, rather than just have a little party with yourself (like, *ahem*, me). They went even further and brought in the whole band. Rock Band is the new karaoke. It's for parties, friends hanging out, bars, and generally any place that's got a focus on fun. I've devoted many hours and many, many dollars to Harmonix games (and even the non-Harmonix Guitar Hero games. I just wish I had more friends that played this stuff.

Buy CoD4, get screwed

2008-10-26T13:18:00.005-04:00

I'm taking a break from my top 25 games of all time list to bitch about a recent purchase. Infinity Ward's Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare was one of the best games of last year. I bought it originally on Steam, because I wanted to try the service out, and because I'm not usually very good at first-person shooters on consoles. But the only game-capable PC I have right now is the Windows half of my MacBook Pro, running on Boot Camp. The MacBook will do fairly well with games a few years old (it runs anything on the Source engine pretty nicely). And to my surprise it actually runs CoD4 very well (if I turn off most of the pretty stuff and lower the resolution).

I decided to re-purchase CoD4, this time for the Xbox 360. A) I wanted the achievement points, B) I wanted to play on Xbox Live, and C) I wanted to play it looking really pretty. I didn't know, however, I was going to have to bend all the way over for this. First off, I bought the game at Best Buy, which advertised a price of $19.99 for the "Game of the Year Edition." Sweet!

This turned out to be an outright lie. I bought several other things at the same time, so I didn't really notice that my checkout price didn't match what I had calculated it should be. I thought there was a lot of tax. Turns out the game cost the full $60. That sucks, but okay, I figured. It's the Game of the Year Edition. There's gotta be some cool swag. Not so. There is absolutely NOTHING added on the game disc. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's the EXACT same game disc as the previous version, which I believe is now lower in price. But, there is supposed to be a code that gives you a free coupon to download the "Variety Map Pack," a collection of four new multiplayer maps, for free (a $10 value). Guess what? No code. Which means, no maps.

Checking online, I've discovered that this problem is not unique to me. Many people have gotten screwed by Activision (the publisher) and not received a code. Activision's support policy regarding this issue? "Sucks to be you." Seriously. If they forgot to pack in a code, it's your loss. WTF?

Let's recap. I paid full price for a game advertised as being 1/3 of that, in a repackaging that was basically an excuse for the publisher to keep the price high a year after the game's release, and I didn't even get the meager bonus content that was supposed to come with it.

Dear Activision,

Worst. GotY. Ever.

Top 10 best games ever coming soon.

#11: Duke Nukem 3D

2008-10-20T19:54:00.002-04:00

Remember when this used to be controversial? In today's post-GTA world, Duke Nukem 3D seems little more than campy, given that it's more difficult to fault the objectification of a collection of pixels that resemble a naked woman rather than a collection of polygons that resemble a naked woman.

Duke 3D was kind of like Doom in terms of how it played, but the main difference was that Duke had character. Just because you hardly see your character does not mean he has to be a nameless, faceless space marine. Duke is rude and he spews one-liners that were mostly stolen from B-movies. But he has a certain charm about him. See, he has his principles, the most important of which he says at the beginning of the game.

Sound file source page.

#12: LucasArts point-and-click adventure games

2008-10-20T19:43:00.003-04:00

Before I played Day of the Tentacle I had never considered computer games to be a source of comedy or an intriguing story. LucasArts owned the point-and-click adventure (which is sadly a near-dead genre today) with games like the Maniac Mansion series, the Monkey Island series, Full Throttle, Sam & Max Hit the Road, and Grim Fandango, among others. Playing a LucasArts adventure game was an experience unlike any other at the time. The worlds and characters of those games were just as engrossing as the best movies. Best of all, most of them had their own unique senses of humor, proving that digital entertainment was viable as a compelling storytelling medium.

#13: BattleTech and MechWarrior series

2008-10-20T19:32:00.002-04:00

I was lucky enough to be of a gaming age when the first BattleTech Center opened in Chicago's North Pier. It went far beyond the usual 'virtual reality' systems, which at the time featured a head-mounted display that would scan your virtual environment in 360 degrees as you moved your head. In BattleTech, you actually step inside the cockpit of your 30-foot-tall battle tank and duke it out with a group of your friends.

The home version of BattleTech is MechWarrior. MechWarrior 2 was the game that introduced me to the series. I never got into the customization of mechs that the home version allowed for. That changed somewhat with the release of MechWarrior 3, which I played extensively the second summer I went to computer camp*. The game (and accompanying universe) gives you a sense that you're in the middle of something bigger. You're not just killing people over the internet; you're fighting a WAR. And let's be honest, a gun can make you feel powerful. A 30-foot-tall tank with lots of automatic cannons, missiles, and flamethrowers makes you feel godlike.

*The first year we played lots of Quake and Team Fortress. In between summers, the Columbine massacre happened and first-person shooters were essentially banned. Fortunately, MechWarrior 3 was released right around the time I went to camp the second time.

#14: Unreal Tournament series

2008-10-20T18:04:00.002-04:00

The single-player Unreal game seemed like an ambitious game that set out to dethrone id Software's Quake series. While the game's engine was certainly impressive, the game itself never quite lived up to its promise.

When Quake decided to go the multiplayer route, it was pretty much assumed that it would dominate. And it was pretty frickin' sweet. Around the same time, Unreal decided to do the same thing. Surprisingly, the game was just as good, arguably better, than Quake III.

The next time I picked up UT, it was called Unreal Tournament 2004. After spending a long time away from this type of game, UT2004 completely got me hooked again. It's the best of the fast-paced killfests I've wished I could just absorb intravenously. The guns, awesome. The levels, awesome. The challenge, awesome. It's a frenetic splatterfest that really encourages you to be creative in how you stalk and kill your prey.

#15: SSX series

2008-10-20T17:41:00.006-04:00

Now that I think about it, this is a better example of the simplicity of fun in video games. The whole point of this game is, essentially, to look awesome. Cool costumes, ridiculous courses, insane tricks. All of them serve only to make your experience more awesome. My favorite games in the series are the first two. The subsequent games gave you an open mountain to explore, so those games became about a more immersive experience. But the original and its sequel (more an expansion than a true follow-up) were all about candy-coated, adrenaline-fueled spectacle and awesomeness.

Why has this series not yet made it to the Xbox 360?

#16: Twisted Metal series

2008-10-20T17:41:00.004-04:00

With a character roster that embodies a supremely twisted sense of humor, the Twisted Metal games combine cars and big guns in quite possibly the most satisfying way ever. Your sweet ride comes with an arsenal that rains destruction down upon familiar scenery like Los Angeles, Paris, New York, Hong Kong, Moscow, and many others.

There actually isn't much else to say about this game. I can think of few better examples of the simplicity of fun that video games can embody.

#17: Tomb Raider series

2008-10-20T17:27:00.002-04:00

Okay, first of all, let's be clear: when I say Tomb Raider series, what I really mean is just two games. The 1996 original and the releaunch a decade later. The original was cool mostly because it was the closest you could get to a good Indiana Jones game without pointing and clicking. It's not really a game that's aged well. Lara Croft controlled like a tank and her famous bust looked like something on which you'd cut a 2x4. But there was a blend of action, exploring, and puzzle-solving that basically became an industry benchmark.

The six subsequent titles (including one attempted reinvention) were basically just more of the same. It was such a shame that a game with enormous potential as a franchise failed to innovate after so many releases.

Then the publisher wisely took development duties away from the original team and handed them to another, which completely revamped the series. Tomb Raider became fun again. It's one of the few games I've played and done absolutely everything. It took the original idea that made the series cool, threw out everything that didn't work, and applied the latest design principles to it. The end result was one of the most fun action-adventure experiences I've ever had, ranking with the Indiana Jones films.

#18: WipEout series

2008-10-20T17:14:00.003-04:00

Like fighting games, racing games are a type of game that I can only get so good at. I play it and play it, but at some point I just stop getting better. It's usually at this point that I lose interest in the game. Pretty much the only instance where this is not the case is the ultra-fast future-hovercraft series WipEout. The developers (originally Psygnosis) built an incredible world and refined the gameplay to perfection.

Lifting the vehicle above the ground nulls one of the defining characteristics of all other racers: gravity. You don't have to worry about how your car handles on the road. The road be damned! Plus, with each game the arsenal of futureweapons at your disposal gets more and more badass. Missles are cool, giant ground quakes are better.

#19: SimCity series

2008-10-20T17:02:00.003-04:00

In the last few years I've discovered that one of my passions is traveling. (Not so much traveling, as going to new places.) And most of the time I travel to new cities. I love going to a new city and seeing how it works. Public transit, neighborhoods, etc. It's fascinating to see how a massive collection of people all exist together in a living, breathing urban landscape. What's even better is trying to imagine how it all got that way. How did it start? What people were influential in its birth and its growth? What roadblocks stood in its way, and how did it circumvent them?

What's the best way to answer those questions? Do everything yourself. And that's what the SimCity series lets you do. Every time I think about what it would take to design a city from the ground-up, I get overwhelmed. The number of factors to consider is astronomical and constantly changing. How do you deal with that? SimCity takes all the worry out of that and lets you just get right down to building your dream metropolis.

#20: Soulcalibur series

2008-10-20T16:49:00.005-04:00

I like fighting games, but I've never been able to get into them as hardcore as I originally wanted. Going up against a truly experienced Street Fighter II player is a humbling experience, to say the least. I don't have the brain capacity or thumb-eye coordination required to memorize endless button combinations, so I'm mediocre at most fighting games.

The first fighting game I really liked was Mortal Kombat. I was just as taken as everyone else with the photo-realistic characters and over-the-top violence. It was also Street Fighter II (Turbo, I think), to a lesser degree, that showed me what fun it was to get your ass kicked by better players.

I got into 3D fighters with the Tekken series. It was pretty good at the time, but in retrospect it is really just way too slow. (And seriously, what's with the explosions when you hit people?) The only fighter that moves with a speed anywhere close to a 2D fighter, for me at least, is the Soulcalbur series. As far as I know, the original is the only killer app fighting game (for the Sega Dreamcast). The weapons-based combat really elevates the complexity of what's possible in a fighting game, not only visually but in terms of gameplay. Every character is totally unique, and most of them are easy to learn to control. While I do tend to get my ass kicked in this game I have way more fun with it (especially while playing Soulcalibur IV) than with any other fighting game.

#21: Star Wars: X-Wing vs. TIE Fighter

2008-10-20T16:40:00.003-04:00

Most people look to TIE Fighter as the superior game in this series. Admittedly, this is the only X-Wing or TIE Fighter game I played. One might think that, given the vast nature of space, a space combat simulator might not play well as a video game. To get from ship to ship you have to cross large stretches of space. To an extent that's true. But let's remember, this is Star Wars, the home of the best space battles ever committed to film. While this series (and even Rogue Squadron) doesn't quite capture the intense excitement of, say, the climactic space battle of Return of the Jedi, it does make being an X-Wing a lot of fun.

#22: Xenogears

2008-10-19T21:03:00.002-04:00

I like to think of this Squaresoft PSone RPG as the best game you've never played. To this date I am the only person I know who has not only played it, but owns a copy. This under-appreciated gem marries the very definition of easy-to-learn-difficult-to-master gameplay with beautiful Japanese anime art in a story that sticks to only the good parts of the classic Japanese RPG (JRPG) story format (young hero searches world for objects then saves world). It was also one of the last games I can recall to convincingly combine 2D sprite characters and monsters with 3D worlds and environments, ones that you could actually feel that you were in. With a turn-based gameplay style that can't help but take you out of the action--like nearly every JRPG--this is one of the few games of this type that I can say sucked me in and kept me there until hunger or a lack of sleep made me force myself out of it.

#23: Grand Theft Auto IV

2008-10-19T20:46:00.003-04:00

I've played pretty much all of the major games in the GTA series, and I have to say that it never really caught on with me. The original, top-down games were enjoyable for awhile, but senseless killing isn't fun to me unless it's, you know, fun.

When GTA went 3D I definitely saw the potential in the open-world gameplay. That part was, and still is, absolutely brilliant. But eventually it felt like the original games. I don't find being a mob boss's errand boy to be very fun.

Grand Theft Auto IV is a completely different story. It is the dream of the serious potential of GTA3's open-world system fully realized. It has one of the best narratives ever to be included in a video game, and it plays really, really well. And for a long time (I still haven't finished it).

What amazed me most about the game was the complete lack of controversy that followed the game's launch. Everyone went gaga over the amount of money it made at launch (more than anything ever), but what didn't follow was the usual pomp and circumstance from windbags like recently-disbarred anti-game attorney Jack Thompson and pretty much anyone on Fox News or Headline News. Amazing news for closed-minded conservatives: GTA4 came out and the world didn't end.

I believe this has to do with the way violence is portrayed in the game. In previous GTA titles, violence was dealt with in a very cartoonish manner. GTA made violence fun, for most anyway. With it's lush, more realistic graphics, GTA4 had to take a less cavalier attitude toward violence. While you can still do all the sick things that you could in previous titles, there is far more to do in the game that is compelling on a deeper level. When I played GTA3 my usual instinct was just to kill everything. GTA4, on the other hand, actually made me consider what I was doing (though I often still just killed what I was thinking about).

#24: Resident Evil series

2008-10-19T20:32:00.003-04:00

While Resident Evil (or Biohazard, as it is known in its native Japan) may not have invented the survival horror series (that was Alone in the Dark), it did refine and popularize it for a broader audience. Though I eventually tired of the abysmal your-guy-moves-like-a-tank control system, I can't deny that the mood this series created back in the original PlayStation days was sublime. It was the first game I played to immerse me in that way. Up to the point when I played the first game, I'd only been immersed in a game because of the story or the gameplay experience. Resident Evil scared the shit out of me.

Resident Evil 2 did it even more. I actually didn't mind the tank-like controls the second time around. The scares were bigger, and the whole thing felt way more epic. The dumb things in the first game (like the atrocious voice acting) actually added a sort of charm to the second game. Even if the flaws of the first game weren't intentional, the right ones were kept so that they became part of the series.

I didn't play much of Resident Evil 3: Nemesis or Code: Veronica. What I did play was more of the same.

Admittedly, I never played much Resident Evil 4. Everyone talks about it like it's the second coming, but I have to admit that it's really hard for me to control on the GameCube, and I haven't gotten around to getting the Wii version. I know I have to give this one a chance.

But despite my lack of time with RE4, I have to say I'm very excited for the fifth installment. I might not be more than a gussied-up version of #4, but from what I'm told that's not a bad thing. And I'm much, much more comfortable with both an Xbox 360 controller and a PS3 controller.

#25: Shadow of the Colossus

2008-10-19T20:12:00.006-04:00

Fumito Ueda's ICO is regarded by many as the closest you could get to God while playing a video game. I agree that it is an exceptional game, but I don't believe it is as amazing as the PlayStation fanboys would have everyone believe. It has a very interesting supporting character, who (depending on the types of games you play) can either be fascinating or a real pain in the ass. To me, she is often both. It's an intriguing mechanic that works about half the time.

Shadow of the Colossus, on the other hand, I believe is a masterpiece. The idea is simple (it basically comes from the Bible), but the execution is brilliant. It's so simple in its design that no extra fat in the game does anything to take you out of it. Once you're in, you're in, and the seemingly insurmountable task of taking down goliaths the size of buildings not only seems possible, but absolutely necessary.

I used to think getting paid to review games would be cool

2008-10-07T13:56:00.003-04:00

In the last year, I've decided that the most cynical, jaded, and narcissistic group of people working in mass media today are video game journalists. It started when Metal Gear Solid 4 was released for the PlayStation 3. Konami, the game's publisher, wouldn't allow critics to published reviews if they contained mention of some of the game's less appealing features (like 90-minute cutscenes and a ridiculous initial installation time). Game critics were up in arms. The defense of their position is fair, more or less, but I still just have to wonder why they can't get over it. This story became a HUGE stink in the video game world for a couple weeks and guess what: the ONLY people who cared were the critics.

Then, E3 happened. All the major companies had their press conferences like they always do (though some did not appear at E3). Overall, the game critics were very harsh regarding the new format of the convention. There was lots of complaining. Again, guess what: THEY WERE THE ONLY ONES WHO CARED.

To make matters worse, Nintendo's E3 press conference was basically what critics considered to be a big Wii Music-sized dick-slap to the hardcore Nintendo fanboy's face. The Nintendo press event focused almost exclusively on casual content, which is Nintendo's primary revenue-generating demographic right now. But the hardcore gamers were left out in the cold. Where's Mario? Where's Zelda? They got a pretty sizeable beating in the press for it.

More recently, Nintendo (in an attempt to clear its name in the eyes of the video game press) held its own press event in San Francisco. They announced a slew of really cool new product. They completely made up for a poor showing at E3. But what are the first two questions to come out of every game journalist and hardcore gamer's mouths? Where's Mario? Where's Zelda? Super Mario Galaxy is barely a YEAR old. It takes time to make games that good. Give them a break, will ya?

The new stage management, not like the old stage management

2008-09-16T13:52:00.005-04:00

I just received an email from my friend Kevin containing a link to his new-ish blog. In this email he describes the complete lack of an actual need for one, which got me thinking: I have one; do I even need it? Given the fact that I haven't done any significant writing since I graduated from college (yeah, got that all straightened out, so I'm officially graduated from college) and am no closer to getting something published or produced, it doesn't seem like anyone would care. And likely, no one does.

That said, on with the show.

I just started a new job at WLS-TV (the local Chicago ABC station), almost entirely through nepotism, stage managing. I'm the guy walking around the cameras doing that countdown for the anchors, letting them know when they'll be back on camera. I've done some stage management before, for theatre and during projects at school, but this is totally different. It's live, so any mistakes I (or anyone else) make appear for all to see on the air (not to mention all the people watching just outside the studio on State Street. But after two weeks, I'm really starting to get the hang of it. I'm told I've been progressing rather quickly and soon I will be better than most of the other stage managers.

Part of the reason everyone is quick to agree that I should have this job, despite my young age and inexperience, is that there is a shortage of good stage managers. A shortage of them in general, but especially good ones. I'm hoping that people see in me the potential to become a good stage manager, 'cause in a few weeks I think I'll be one.

The only bad thing about my job: my schedule. Granted, it's not a terribly bad schedule. I don't work early morning or graveyard (which my job doesn't offer anyway). I work 8 hours a day, which is totally fine. But I work from 3pm to 11pm. It shifts my schedule just enough to throw it out of whack. I get home at 11 and then stay up for 3 or so more hours (at some point very soon this time will be dedicated to writing). I try to wake up around 10am, but it usually ends up being more like 11am or noon. Which doesn't give me a whole lot of time before I have to leave for work at 2:30pm. I imagine if my job had normal hours I wouldn't have to spend so much of the goddamn day sleeping. But you know what, it's a minor complaint given there's so much about the job to love.

'Til next time.

Fringe

2008-09-15T01:36:00.004-04:00

Just as I thought, it was better when it was called The X-Files and didn't have 24 splattered all over it. There are a few cool concepts in the pilot from the masterminds behind Mission: Impossible III, but they're stuck into a plot strung together with such little care that the holes between these ideas are big enough to drive trucks through.

Actually, this post pretty much illustrates what's wrong with the show. Looks like they didn't change much between. But for some reason, critics love this thing.

It's just seeming more and more like J.J. Abrams is a great idea man, but for me he just never gets any of his concepts successfully off the ground.

P.S. I never did get around to finishing The X-Files TV show. I got one episode in to season two and just stopped. Didn't see the new movie either. Guess The X-Files just doesn't do it for me anymore.

Too Human, and the Winter of My Wallet's Discontent

2008-08-20T20:01:00.004-04:00

2007 was a seminal year for video games. Mass Effect, BioShock, Rock Band, just to name a few. As if this hobby weren't expensive enough, now great AAA title after title comes out and breaks the bank.

Wow. I never thought I'd complain about TOO MANY good games.

I just bought Too Human (reviewed below) and Madden NFL 09. I still have Fallout 3, Fable II, StarCraft II (maybe), Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, Metal Gear Solid 4, Gears of War 2, Rock Band 2, Street Fighter IV, a new Prince of Persia... the list goes on.

Part of me really wants this trend to continue. There are way too many terrible games out there. At the same time, I don't want it to continue because I only hae so much time and money to devote to gaming while still being able to exist away from my Xbox. Whatever happens, the rest of this year is going to be very expensive.

And now, my thoughts on Microsoft's much-touted August release, the incredibly-long-in-development Too Human:

First of all, this is not a game for everyone. It's got a real nice coat of paint, but it's still a game designed for people who are familiar with styles of gameplay based on Dungeons & Dragons. It's also very story-heavy. I have not yet finished the single-player campaign, but thus far the story isn't incredibly compelling, which is unfortunate, because there are A LOT of cutscenes. We're not talking Metal Gear Solid 4 here, but it's still a little annoying.

Too Human is a game that thinks it's cooler than it actually is. It takes itself far too seriously (watching five minutes of the cutscenes will tell you that). But this is forgivable given how damn fun it is to play. The controls take a little getting used to, but soon enough they feel pretty good. There's a lot of depth to the customization, but you don't have to sink in too deep if you don't want.

In short, it's not the life- and industry- changing game Microsoft would like you to believe it is. It doesn't really live up to all its hype (but what game that's been in development since the original PlayStation (!) could?). But it's got it where it counts.

Is This Thing On?

2008-08-11T12:57:00.002-04:00

I'm trying to blog this from my iPhone. I downloaded the LifeCast app as soon as the 2.0 software update was released. Two updates to the app later, and it still wouldn't work. So, here's hoping.

Geolocate this post

Posted with LifeCast

The X-Files

2008-07-14T17:15:00.005-04:00

In preparation for the new film, subtitled I Want to Believe, I am going back (as I often do with long-running TV series) to the beginning and watching it from start to finish.

When the show was originally airing, I was a kid, and I fucking loved the show. I had to watch every episode from the beginning. If I even missed the teaser I wouldn't watch the episode. But it was on at inconvenient times, and I missed more and more episodes. Sometime in the third or fourth season it completely lost me. I had a brief resurgence of interest in 1996 when the movie came out. I thought it was pretty cool back then (I hadn't yet turned 11). When I saw it on TV again recently it felt more like watching a parody of The X-Files rather than watching The X-Files itself. I think this has to do with the fact that the show is really responsible for streamlining and popularizing all the conspiracy-nut jargon regarding aliens, etc., so it seems cliché.

I'm four episodes into the first season. I've seen these episodes before. I think the first season is the only one I've seen the whole way through. I'm going to attempt to get in this for the long haul. Most likely, I won't see every episode before the July 25th release date of the new movie, but I'm going to try my best to end up watching all nine seasons.

After this, I'm going to finally finish The Wire.

A Final Farewell to LaserDiscs

2008-06-16T03:55:00.002-04:00

Mark Altman, a professional geek, recently posted to his guest column at DVD website The Digital Bits a "final eulogy" for a home video format most people my age consider to be a novelty: the LaserDisc. At NYU film school, we have large racks of A/V equipment so that our professors can screen movie clips in whatever format a title is available from the film library. Often times, this format is LaserDisc.

LaserDiscs pre-date CDs. They are big, about the size of LP records. They are also thicker and heavier. Often times, a movie would have to be spread out across several of these discs, forcing the viewer to switch sides and/or discs in the middle of a film. This was a small price to pay for incredibly clear picture and 5.1 surround in an age where the only real popular alternative was VHS (which anyone with a more-than-modest appreciation of film should be able to tell you is an unacceptable format).

Being a videophile, my dad owns a LaserDisc player. He taught me well. I own one too. This editorial by Mark Altman sums up, more or less, the feelings I have toward the format which most of my peers find obnoxious.

Philistines.

Read Altman's article here.

Aaaand.... that's college

2008-05-31T15:21:00.004-04:00

My education (barring grad school, which I may or may not ever atteend) is officially over. I've spent eighteen years waiting for the real world to come calling, and it finally has. Time to be a real person.

Grr

2008-04-17T07:11:00.002-04:00

I hate early calls. 7am is an early call.

Hulu

2008-04-01T00:30:00.001-04:00

I've decided Hulu is pretty much the best website ever. That is all.

Sony Finally Wins a Format War

2008-02-22T17:09:00.004-05:00

Every time a new format comes out, hoping to be the new standard, Sony pops in with its own version. When VHS came out, there was Sony with Beta (which is actually the superior format), and later Hi8 (which they tried, and failed miserably, to make a consumer home video format). When everyone else was making digital cameras and other devices that took CompactFlash and SD cards, Sony created the Memory Stick (I think only Sony music players, cameras, and the PSP still use it). With the advent of HD-DVD, Sony unveiled Blu-ray Disc (again, the superior format). Years ago I called Blu-ray as the winner if there were to be a format war, and that prediction came true. Not only did the only two major movie studio HD DVD supporters (Universal and Paramount) just announce the conversion to Blu-ray, but HD DVD's creator, Toshiba, just made it officially a dead format.

Despite predicting Blu-ray as the winner, I started getting HD DVD discs (even though I don't have a player at the moment). I got the Combo DVD/HD DVD versions of Children of Men, The Fountain, Smokin' Aces, and TMNT. I also received the HD DVD version of the 5-disc Blade Runner gift set for Christmas. I'm okay with this, though. I have an Xbox 360, so the HD DVD player add-on should get even cheaper very soon, and stores will be slashing prices on current HD DVD stock, so I should be up to my ears in cheap hi-def. I won't get a Blu-ray player until I get a PS3, and I won't get one of those until I get an HDTV. Or when Final Fantasy XIII is released, whichever comes first.

Desert Island Discs

2008-02-14T23:37:00.004-05:00

I just put together a binder of my "desert island discs" collection. This is a Case Logic that holds 128 discs. These are the 128 discs I would have on a desert island if I could not have any others as long as I live. At least, it's the desert island collection I feel I would need to have if I were stranded right now. It'll probably be different in a year.

The discs are restricted to what I currently have on the standard DVD format right now, and to feature-length films.

In no particular order...

From Russia with Love, Goldfinger, Thunderball, On Her Majesty's Secret Service, GoldenEye, and Casino Royale (2006)
Sleuth (1972)
The Untouchables (1987)
The Departed
The Fugitive (1993)
The Conversation
The Godfather
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
A Fish Called Wanda
Amelie
1776
High Fidelity
Better Off Dead
Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Life of Brian (Criterion), and Meaning of Life
Almost Famous - Extended cut
Moulin Rouge (2001)
The Princess Bride
Citizen Kane
The Manchurian Candidate (1962)
The Philadelphia Story
The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-03) - Theatrical and Extended cuts
Star Trek II, III, IV, VI, and VII
Glengarry Glen Ross
Smoke
The Usual Suspects
The Stunt Man
Once Upon a Time in the West
The Place Promised in Our Early Days
Ghost in the Shell
The End of Evangelion
Terminator 1 & 2 (two cuts)
Alien and Aliens - two cuts each!
Speed
Batman Returns & Begins
Superman (1978) - Extended cut
X-Men 2
The Big Lebowski
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
The original Indiana Jones trilogy
Die Hard 1 & 3
Predator
The Matrix
Trainspotting
Requiem for a Dream
Brick
Ghostbusters
Young Frankenstein
Charade (Criterion)
M*A*S*H
Leon (a.k.a. The Professional)
Cinema Paradiso - both versions
Shakespeare in Love
Kind Hearts and Coronets (Criterion)
Serenity
Ronin
Grindhouse: Planet Terror & Death Proof
Rebecca (Criterion), Rope, and Rear Window
Kingdom of Heaven - Director's cut
The Sword in the Stone
The Goonies
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Finding Nemo and The Incredibles
Star Wars original trilogy - 2007 versions (sigh)
John Carpenter's The Thing
Strange Days
Minority Report
Harry Potter 3
The Abyss - two cuts
Near Dark
An American Werewolf in London
Jaws
Rushmore (Criterion)
Wonder Boys
Gosford Park
The Prestige
Evil Dead II and Army of Darkness
Titus
Brazil (Criterion)
Cube
Network
Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
The Hunt for Red October
Oldboy
Hero (2002)
Tron
Back to the Future
Dr. Strangelove and A Clockwork Orange
Fight Club
The Right Stuff
Wit
Dazed and Confused (Criterion)
The American President
The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover
The Name of the Rose
Withnail and I
The Blues Brothers

Slow Going

2008-01-21T23:00:00.000-05:00

Last semester I didn't have much time to do any writing, at least none of my own. I had writing classes, but that doesn't really count. I didn't get to work on anything independent of school. Then after the ridiculous amount of work last semester, all I wanted to do over winter break was chill. Which I did. A lot.

So now I'm in this huge rut where I think to myself, "I could write. Yes, I should. Oh wait, I just picked up Assassin's Creed." I'm working on the script for my Narrative short film (my last NYU short), but that's going pretty slow. I had a month to polish this thing (the first draft of which I finished sophomore year), and I'm leaving it to the last minute. I didn't even work on it today. I had tons of time today, and I didn't do it. Instead, I organized all my PC games into a Case Logic CD wallet. Guess I have to force myself to do it tomorrow night (I have to pitch it on Wednesday).

I am such an idiot.

Stuff I Dug This Year: 2007 (An Incomplete List)

2007-12-27T23:50:00.000-05:00

This is a much shorter list than last year, simply because I had neither the time nor the money to experience everything I wanted to. I hardly saw any movies in the second half of the year, and there were so many amazing video games that I can't hope to play them all before 2008 arrives. So here goes...

Video Games - Yeah, so this was kind of a ridiculous year for video games. My top games are Mass Effect (a.k.a. the best game ever), BioShock, Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare (holy crap that game's amazing), Portal (and the rest of The Orange Box, but this is the stand-out for me), Rock Band (as much as I love Guitar Hero, it can't hold a candle to this), The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass, and Crysis. There were too many games for me to get a full picture of the year's best, but those are what I got my hands on.

Daft Punk - Anybody who tells you they don't like Daft Punk hasn't seen them live. I got a chance to see them (and some other great acts) at Lollapalooza. Holy God. You wouldn't think that two guys dressed in robot suits cuing up samples on a computer could be cool. You'd be wrong. Awesome remixes, awesome light show, and the most amazing bass I've ever heard.

The Donnas - Audioslave is the lead singer of Soundgarden backed by Rage Against the Machine. Velvet Revolver is the lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots backed by Guns n' Roses. The Donnas' new album, Bitchin', is like Joan Jett backed by Motley Crue. The punky-girl-rock quartet recorded an '80s hair metal album, and a really good one too.

Apple - This was a year of new Apple products for me. First, the iPhone. It's not quite a true PDA, and it does have some strangely missing features, but all that's easily forgiven for everything it does right. I won't tout the features that I love, because it would just read like Apple's iPhone website. Also, I got a new MacBook Pro. The thing's more powerful than the gaming PC I built (which is not entirely surprising, given that that was four years ago), and it's running Leopard, and therefore Windows XP (via Boot Camp). Call of Duty 4 runs extraordinarily well on it.

Blade Runner - Theatrical re-release. A DVD finally worthy of the film. And I got it on HD-DVD for Christmas. Effin' sweet. Now if only I had an HD-DVD player...

Transformers - So many of the franchises I loved as a kid have been ruined. But Michael Bay delivered pretty much all I could hope for in a Transformers movie. It's big. It's stupid. It's a helluva lot of fun. Excellent popcorn entertainment.

Not so cool...

The Writers' Strike - I'm all for the cause, believe me. But all my shows ended early. That sucks.

There's more, I'm sure, but that's the big stuff. 'Til next year.

Color-Sync Rough Cut

2007-12-13T14:25:00.001-05:00

Here's the first rough cut of my NYU Color-Sync, "This Dinner Brought to You by the People's Republic of China."

Color-Sync Rough Cut from richardksbaer on Vimeo.

Safehouse Pictures

2007-12-12T14:49:00.000-05:00

I did a quick, temporary page for the production company at which I am an intern, Safehouse Pictures (producers of the upcoming documentary on the life of Dalton Trumbo, aptly titled Trumbo). I may or may not be contracted to do their actual website.

The site can be found here.

Review: Mass Effect

2007-12-07T15:19:00.000-05:00

Growing up there were a number of games that affected me deeply because they provided an interactive experience that, at the time, hadn't been matched for me. There were games I was addicted to as a kid, because they were fun: Super Mario Bros. 1 & 3, Duck Hunt, etc. When I got a PlayStation in, I think, 1998, I picked up Final Fantasy VII, which completely blew my mind and instantly became my favorite game ever (though now it is cliché to admit this). It had a story, presentation, and cast of characters unlike anything I'd ever played. In total, I probably sank 60-70 hours of my life into that thing.

Another great was PSone's Metal Gear Solid. Looking back, the whole series is kind of ridiculous, but in '98 or '99 it was an incredible cinematic experience. I played through it several times.

Other games became addictions, though mostly because of their great gameplay: Quake II, the original Team Fortress, Unreal Tournament 2004, etc. I've been a huge fan of many games, but I've never been one of those EverQuest or World of Warcraft players who skips work/class or sacrifices human contact to play a video game. That all changed with Mass Effect.

I'm about two-thirds through my first playthrough of BioWare's new epic space-opera RPG. I have to say that it is, by far, the best game I have ever played. Period. The story is immersing in away that no other game has achieved. It's no longer just a nifty feature to be able to choose to be good or bad. It's integral to the story, which the player creates. Mass Effect is actually the perfect game for writers. You create a character and play through the story, not just how you want to play it, but you make choices based on how your character would choose. That's just flat-out amazing.

The dialogue system is incredible. Not even the previous BioWare RPGs in this style (Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, Jade Empire) came close to the depth of Mass Effect's dialogue trees. The acting is solid (and when you're talking about real-time animated characters, that's saying something), and you really get swept up in the story based solely on how you interact with other characters and how they interact with you. In fact, if BioWare were to release a version of Mass Effect that was just dialogue trees and cutscenes, I would actually like it better than the real game. I could play the dialogue trees for hours.

Not only that, but the universe of the game is one of the richest, most well-realized science fiction universes in years. It draws a lot of comparisons to Star Wars, which I think is unfair. Star Wars has a very colorful universe, to be sure, but how much can one really say about it. What can you say about the Wookiees? They're fighters, and they don't like to lose. Anything else? Didn't think so. Ewoks? They live in trees. Gungans? They live underwater and are very annoying. Any other alien is alien simply for the sake of being alien. Star Wars is peppered with unique aliens, but most of them are window dressing. In the case of a universe like Star Trek, however, you really get a sense of how an entire race of people thinks and behaves, especially if you've watched Deep Space Nine. The major alien characters have the history and cultures of their respective races at their cores and they completely shape who those characters are. In Star Wars it couldn't matter less if Admiral Ackbar were Mon Calamari or human. Most of the major characters are human anyway. In Deep Space Nine, Major Kira is Bajoran and could not possibly be any other race. To change her race would be to completely change her character.

Such is the case with Mass Effect. Every character is distinctly of their race (the only thing I wish is that the Turians speak with a slightly less 'human' voice), and the relationships between characters are defined in large part by what race each character belongs to. The Mass Effect universe is one that the player can really step inside and be a part of, and it's absolutely fascinating. Mass Effect is the best game of all time, end of story. I can't wait for Parts 2 and 3. For now I'll just have to be contented playing Part 1 over and over and over.

Wood: The Musical

2007-11-30T12:44:00.001-05:00

I'm stage manager for a new musical, Wood. It's the third original production by Students for the Collaborative Arts at NYU, for which I am the technical director.

Information can be found at the SCAN website, which (at post time) is just a splash page for the musical. Once the musical closes the original site (which I designed) will go back up.

I previously served as technical director for SCAN's workshop production of Unlock'd, which had a very successful run at the recent New York Musical Theatre Festival, two years ago. Here's the mini-site I made for that.

Renminbi de Yanse

2007-11-26T01:22:00.000-05:00

In high school we got to make movies for Chinese class. This was the biggest, most epic one any of us worked on. It's called Renminbi de Yanse, which translates to The Color of the People's Money. It's a spoof of Rocky and The Color of Money, just in Mandarin.

Renminbi de Yanse from richardksbaer on Vimeo.

And here's the script for Renminbi de Yanse II: Dance Dance Revolutions, the sequel that never was. The script has English and partial Mandarin translation in pinyin (sans tones).

Should anybody feel like buying me something...

2007-11-18T22:45:00.000-05:00

My Amazon.com wish list can be found here. Please peruse and feel free to purchase something and send it to me.

NYFA: my first short films

2007-11-18T22:23:00.001-05:00

New York Film Academy 4-week Summer High School Workshop

Here are the three short films I made during the summer of 2003.

First, Human Nature:

Second, Out, Damn Spot:

Third, Ruby:

Writer's Block

2007-11-18T22:19:00.000-05:00

File this under old stuff.

I wrote a one-act play that was produced by the Latin School's Advanced Acting company. Pictures from that performance are available here (only the last three are from my show).

Star Trek

2007-11-10T18:40:00.000-05:00

This past summer I watched almost all of the episodes of all the Star Trek series ever produced. Because I had no life this summer. Watching that much of it gives you an interesting perspective on how these shows were written over long periods of time (7 years, give or take).

Beginning with Star Trek: The Next Generation, there is a pattern to the writing of Star Trek shows. It seems to take at least two years for a writers' room to learn how to write one of those shows. Season one of TNG is okay, but it doesn't get decent beyond interesting sci-fi. Season two is excused because there was a writers' strike in progress. Then, in season three, it gets awesome, almost immediately, and it stays that way until the very end.

Season one of DS9 is decent. Season two, much better. Season three is great, and it gets better right up to the very end. It's the best of all the Trek shows.

Voyager took a little longer. It took three years. Seasons one and two are pretty dreadful. Season three gets a little better. Season four is good, and it keeps getting better and better. There were some really brilliant stand-alone stories. Then there's the awful, awful series finale which betrays the spirit of all seven prior years of the show.

Enterprise is a more tricky show. The first two seasons are atrocious. They're fucking awful, and yes I watched every episode. Then in the finale of season two, they take the show in a whole new direction. That episode leads right into season three, which is much darker and takes Star Trek to places Gene Roddenberry would never have conceived or approved of. But it was actually kind of good. It just wasn't really Star Trek. Oh, and the season three finale is infuriating because the cliffhanger ending comes completely out of left field. Season four is good and bad, and it has a really irritating finale.

Enterprise had bad luck in following the pattern of its predecessors because the business of television has changed a lot in a short time. Shows no longer have the luxury of feeling their way around to get the tone right. Because the first two years of Enterprise were so bad, no one watched when it finally got good, so it got canceled. Really makes you appreciate much more writers who can make a show hit the ground running, especially in sci-fi where it's so easy to fall into cliché. Shows like Firefly (which got screwed by Fox) and Battlestar Galactica are great examples of where sci-fi is done right on a broader level, and nowadays I need that in my shows 'cause only-satisfactory sci-fi isn't good enough anymore. Hopefully the next Trek show will learn from the lessons of the past.

Alias

2007-11-10T18:11:00.001-05:00

In high school, J. J. Abrams's show Alias was one of my favorites. Looking back I'm not entirely sure why. Yeah, it's got cool spy stuff (which is usually good), and a really hot female lead. Was that enough to hold my attention back then?

I started watching the show before I'd really studied writing in a formal way. Now that I understand writing on a deeper level I can see what's going on conceptually with the writing of a show. Even back in high school I'd watch the later seasons of Alias, and I knew it started getting bad. I've been watching it again from the beginning, and now I realize that it was never actually that good in the first place.

The real over-arching story is all about Rambaldi. That part of the series I actually like. It's a cool mystery/puzzle. We know there's an endgame, but pieces of the puzzle come together in very unconvincing ways. Things are piled on top of one another, and it doesn't feel like there's a pre-planned structure to them. So when the end of a long story arrives, it feels very sudden because the lead-up never truly feels like it's going anywhere. Abrams carried this problem over to Lost.

In long-form narrative fiction, especially in comic books, there is a phenomenon called retconning (retroactive continuity). It is the process by which a long-form story moves forward and at the same time revises past events. In a convoluted universe like the one at DC Comics, retconning takes place all the time (usually in large "event-comics" to the detriment of readers' wallets). That's because DC characters have more than half a decade's worth of history, with multiple versions of characters, and all of it is in-continuity.

The thing that truly pisses me off about Alias is not the overly-dramatic dialogue or the banal exposition awkwardly placed within the lines. It's not the Sydney's-real-life half of the show (which is a show unto itself, and not a terribly great one at that) which keeps intruding upon the good part. It's not the obvious music choices. It's not the ridiculous aversion to realism or the easy elimination of plot problems through spy-tech. It's the retconning.

Alias is a show that is constantly retconning itself. Everything is all about endgames and long-term goals. What we think is the main driving force of the story is actually just a smaller piece of a much larger puzzle (which it is doubtful even the showrunners could see). Every time a layer is peeled back we discover something new about what supposedly happened before. It's terribly confusing, and it's a cheap way to pull the rug out from under an audience so that they'll come back next week for another fix.

Alias feels like The X-Files in that there is a big picture that is very (painfully) slowly revealed but without a clear direction of how to get there. There's really good stuff in Alias, a lot to like. But it has so many annoying problems. It's going to make watching season 3 again that much more painful.

When I watched Alias the first time through, season 3 and 4 aggravated me so much that I just gave up on it. At the end of season 4, Alias did its biggest retcon ever. I was done with the show after that. Later I did go back and start watching season 5. Even though it's the shortest of the show's five seasons, I didn't finish it. Still don't think it's going to happen this time around, either.

Transition

2007-11-09T12:04:00.001-05:00

As I said in a previous post, richardbaer.com is changing from my personal/semi-professional website to a straight professional site.

Despite the fact that I'm looking to get into the business of web design (which, technically, I've already done), I've decided to let Blogger handle the design and updating duties, at least until I learn to use CSS and Movable Type. I'm letting Blogger do the work really just to make my life easier at the moment.

The new site is hosted on Blogspot, and separate media files and pages will be off-site (i.e. YouTube, Flickr, etc.). Everything will be posted in the blog with labels (which can be browsed in the right-hand navigation), so the site will sort-of work the way it did before.

The blog will have a different focus, as well. I won't just post about anything anymore. I'm going to keep everything somehow related to work. At least, that's the idea.

Vita Bella Pizza website

2007-11-09T12:01:00.000-05:00

I created a website for a restaurant in the Chicago suburbs, Vita Bella Pizza. The website can be found at www.vitabellapizza.com.

Black & Blue website

2007-11-09T12:00:00.000-05:00

I designed the website for a documentary (which I helped shoot). It's called Black & Blue. The website can be found at www.blackandblueproductions.org.

Black & Blue trailer

2007-11-09T10:41:00.000-05:00

On Wednesday night I posted the trailer for the documentary I worked on, Black & Blue, about the 2007 season of the NYPD football team.

The trailer can be found here. It's a 100+ megabyte file, so it may take some time to download.

Writing Exercise: 11/9/07 (2)

2007-11-09T02:04:00.000-05:00

"She's a bitch, man," is all my friend can muster. I tell him he shouldn't say that about her. He insists he's right. It's probably the Scotch talking. All I can think about is how Jenny left me. Not that she left me. That doesn't surprise me. It's how. A Dear John text message. What is the world coming to?

"Seriously, man. You gotta forget abou' her. Bitch sends you a text to say fuck off? Fuck that shit, man." He goes on to say something about showing Jenny she hasn't gotten to me by getting back into the "scene." I'm not sure if it's me or the gin that's not listening to him anymore.

I tell him I have to piss. I really do. I wobble my way back to the bathroom. (I love dive bars, but I really hate pissing in their bathrooms.) As I'm relieving myself at the urinal (which seems to take forever) my eyes wander over the grimy, once-white walls. Mostly fliers for crappy bands (no, wait, that one's a good one) and declarations that proud urinaters of yore "was here."

And of course, it wouldn't be a dive bar bathroom without someone's phone number written on the wall. 555-1728. I think it's a woman's handwriting (I'm at a urinal, so this is the right bathroom). No name. No "for a good time call." What the hell.

I'm drunk so this seems like an okay idea at this point. I zip myself up and dial the number.

"Hello?" a woman's voice answers. I tell her I found her number on a bathroom wall.

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" she says. I want to tell her I feel like an idiot for dialing a number I found on a bathroom wall. I want her to know I'm not the guy who does that. I don't call numbers I find on bathroom walls. Except, well, turns out I am that guy (but I mean well). I want to tell her those things, and if I'd been a little more sober I might have been able to (also I wouldn't have made the call in the first place). But all I could do was burst out laughing.

She seemed very irritated when I calmed down. "I am sick and tired of getting calls because my goddamn number is on a goddamn bathroom wall."

I ask her if she knows who wrote it. She does. And he's been doing it for years. She gives me the story, and again my mind wanders off. Something about a running joke between friends. Then something grabs my attention.

It's been going on for thirty years? "Yes," she affirms. Thirty years? Repeating my question aggravates her further. I should stop now.

She would write her friend's number somewhere, and he would write hers. If it was erased, it had to be written somewhere else. Apparently she got sick of the college-days joke when she had a kid. Her friend still thinks it's funny.

I offer to scratch the number out. "Might as well just leave it where it is. He'll just write it somewhere else," she says, sighing. I ask her why she hasn't been able to get her friend to stop. She says it's complicated. I really, really want to ask what's so complicated, but I think she probably won't appreciate that.

I say it was nice talking to her, and I apologize again. "You shouldn't call numbers on bathroom walls. It makes you seem like a pervert." And that's that.

"Hey man, there's this chick in my office. You gotta meet her." There's no game on the TV, so my friend's one-track mind has decided to stay on Jenny. I politely request to not be set up on dates by my heterosexual male friend. "But she's super-hot, and she's not a bitch." Not at all like Jenny. I miss Jenny.

And the moral of this story?

Don't write stories when you're incredibly tired.

"Invent a character who sees a phone number on a restroom wall. Describe what happens when he or she dials it."
From The Writer's Block by Jason Rekulak

Writing Exercise: 11/9/07

2007-11-09T01:50:00.000-05:00

When I was a kid my best friend lived in a posh house in the suburbs. I spent a lot of time out there. Since it was the suburbs, we had to drive everywhere. Being kids, we relied on the driving abilities of adults, very often my friends parents. This usually involved trips to and from various restaurants (Chili's, etc.). Not often, but sometimes, my friend's dad would drive us.

I have chronic headaches. I was officially diagnosed only a few years ago, but I was always prone to them as a kid, given the right environmental circumstances. I also get sick when I read in the car. Easily.

My friend's dad doesn't apply constant pressure to the gas. He applies pressure in regular spurts, pressing down on the pedal with force, then releasing it. What you get is a quick acceleration to 50-60 mph followed by a slow deceleration back to 30-40, and then another quick jump back up to 50-60. One cycle of this took about four or five seconds. Now string many of these cycles together and you get an incredibly nauseating passenger-side experience.

When these trips took place in the winter, my friend's dad would turn the heat way up. It'd be mid-30s outside, but inside that SUV it was a toasty high-80s. And we had our big, puffy winter coats on. Uncomfortable heat and sweating inside a vomit-inducing car is just the sort of wacky environmental condition that can set off my headaches.

My friend's dad was by no means an unsafe driver. I never felt at risk. But man, I missed the city during those car trips. There I can walk to food.

"Take the reader behind the wheel with the worst driver you've ever known."
From The Writer's Block by Jason Rekulak